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Update v2

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Posted 12-20-2017 at 02:24 PM by lembowitz
Updated 12-20-2017 at 02:30 PM by lembowitz

This is a long post for those who wanted to know why I've been gone/for those who know and want an update.

So, long story short, a few weeks back my best friend's now ex bf found out she was cheating on him with her ex (who she was with before him). They ganged up on her, her ex ex pretended to be nice all day and they were cuddling at the shisha bar she used to work at, then suddenly her ex comes in, they both then stand up and throw their drinks at her and they argue with her. She stays calm etc, whatever, that happened.

My bf (well not anymore but I'll call him my bf to make it easier) was acting weird the same night that happened, and I had a feeling it was something to do with that. She calls me, I go downstairs, she tells me what happened, then I go back upstairs and we start talking about girly shit like make up because I had finally bought some that day.
My bf keeps acting weird, distant, etc, and I asked her if her ex messaged my bf (seeing as her ex knew I cheated on my bf). She says she has no idea because they didn't say anything about that and she hasn't spoken to him since they argued at the bar. So I messaged him. I asked him if he messaged Igor because he's acting distant.
He replied saying he had. I asked him what.
He simply said 'the truth'. I was the evil person for not telling him that she cheated on him even though I knew how much he hated stuff like that. He wished me luck with my relationship, and later when my best friend messaged him he said he hopes it 'works out between them' and that our relationship will be stronger because of it. Oh the irony.

So me and my bf don't talk all night, in the morning I was getting ready for work, he took the day off, and I said to him that I knew that her ex messaged him. I basically denied everything and that he was just being a psycho because they all fell out. We made up, everything was fine, I went to work. Then when I was cleaning up after my shift, I was messaging my bf and I realized that his replies had no kisses and he was giving me vague yet blunt answers. I knew something was up.
I got home and he was acting very distant again.
Then I messaged my friend and asked her if her ex messaged him any more stuff.
He did.
Screenshots of conversations between them and a few of the messages were about things I did.
So now there was no going back. Mind you, some of the names and stories he decided to make up were genuine crap. This wasn't on the screenshots but apparently I gave a blowjob to a guy called Fax at work where the cameras couldn't see. One, I never worked with a guy called Fax, and two, never ever did anything like that at any job, soooo. Yeah. Anyway. I admit to the sugar daddy stuff he told my bf.
Then a couple of days later he confronted me again and I admitted to cheating, but by then we had agreed that we'll put this behind us and try to start our relationship again.
It was back and forth for about two weeks, switching from him being really sweet and us having fun and acting like we normally would, to him changing his mind about starting again and telling me to move out (each time he did this, he would expect me to have money for a deposit and to find a room in the space of 2 days, neither of which was possible). We finally talked the weekend before and we agreed that we have to be 100% honest with each other from now, we're starting all over again, I wouldn't have to move out (I told him I wouldn't, after he revealed to me that every time he went to my brothers houses, he would take drugs and lied to me and said no whenever I asked if he did, and I said to him I will help him through that). I was in an incredibly good mood last week, I was happy we were together again, and the week before I blocked any ****boys I had on my friendslist or on any other social media, I was telling my friends that we're starting again and our relationship will be better this time round. I wasn't hiding my phone from him, we planned dates to go out and actually do something (because we hadn't actually been on a date for nearly a year). I was on cloud nine. Saturday afternoon (this Sat gone), I'm getting ready for work, I was starting at 5. Suddenly he hits me with 'it's better for you to move out but take your time with it, save up some money first' and 'I've been thinking a lot and we've been living as best friends this past week, and I think both of us need to breathe'. He was like, you know we're not back together, right?
Which, I'm not gonna lie, was a bit of a slap in the face seeing as we talked for hours about starting again and decided on it definitely. I cried on my way to work that day.
So over this weekend I have sorted out a room, which I'm going to go look at tomorrow afternoon, and if I like it I'll be moving in there towards the end of January (the person living in it now has a contract until January and the owner of the house wants to respect that and not kick them out earlier). When I've moved out we're going to still hang out, but only as friends, and get our lives together as individuals. Then, in the future, we can think about a relationship.
I met this amazing man the day I turned 18 and a week later I told him I loved him. Our 3 year anniversary would have been on my 21st birthday in March 7th. I still believe that we're meant to be together, but, just not right now. I jumped into a serious relationship when I wasn't aware that I wasn't ready for it, and I never got to live out the whole 'freedom' experience of being a young person, and that along with some pressures I had in the relationship, caused me to snap, and therefore cheat.
I'm not justifying what I did, and what I did was absolutely disgusting and awful and it was the biggest mistake I made and I wish I'd never ****ed up. But it's done and dusted and I can have some freedom now, and hopefully in the future, like I said, me and him can try again. It breaks my heart every time I look at him or think about him too long and I start to cry, but life isn't perfect and I have to understand that.
I finally told my parents about what happened (a little last minute, as I told them on Monday), and my mother explained to me that the reason my parents cheated on each other is because they hadn't lived out their lives yet either. They had me when they were 21 and 20 years old and had to be adults from day one. They will still love him like a son and he'll always be part of the family, but I need to breathe and so does he.
I think this will be good for both of us. I just wish it hadn't ended this particular way.

I know you're all going to call me names but I've heard it all by now, so save your breaths haha
Now, I'm going to be only working 2-4 days a week as the busy Christmas period is over and all our party bookings are done with, so I'll have time to go out and also be here more often.
Thank you all for being so patient, like I said in the previous blog post I just made. I love you all and I'll make a post after I've seen the room I will be renting out

xoxo


edit;; Also, this Sunday gone, we went to the city and had dinner, went to the Christmas markets and had mulled wine, then went to the cinema to see The Last Jedi (which was uhmayyyyzing btw!!!). We hung out as friends and it was... weird, but we still had fun and joked about. Funnily enough we hadn't gone out like that for nearly a year, like I mentioned before, so to my it's ironic that we did so -after- we've broken up. How funny life is xD
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  1. Old Comment
    ocean_crumbles's Avatar
    how old are you guys....? Anyways, cheating isn't cool. Sorry i feel no sympathy here.
    Posted 01-05-2018 at 09:16 PM by ocean_crumbles ocean_crumbles is offline
  2. Old Comment
    lembowitz's Avatar
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by ocean_crumbles View Comment
    how old are you guys....? Anyways, cheating isn't cool. Sorry i feel no sympathy here.
    I'm 20, he is 26. We're on good terms now.
    And I know it isn't cool, I don't expect sympathy I didn't go into every detail but after all this we realized how toxic our relationship actually was yet we decided to ignore that, until it was too much to handle for both of us. I've learned my lesson and I am managing well in life right now
    Posted 02-01-2018 at 08:40 PM by lembowitz lembowitz is offline
 

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